Author: drwandatherapyandconsultingservices

I enjoyed the Michael Jackson movie, but certainly some painful truths existed within the Jackson family. Childhood trauma and more likely intergenerational trauma, expectations of perfection, weaponized gifts, and loneliness while surrounded by people. Some critics say it left out many parts of the story, I say he lived a life full of years and no one’s life could be dialed down to a couple of hours without cutting significant parts out. Another theme that emerged is how you can be the hero in someone’s story one minute and a quick next be the villain…

In the work I do with people, couples, and families, the whys always matter. Why did a teen miss school, why did my partner cheat, why is my daughter/son going no contact? We focus more on the what than the why, but the knowing why helps us to be able to be solution- focused and figure out the what next.

Many times we find ourselves living for others, seeking validation, acceptance and love from others. However, not giving those very things to ourselves. How can you make sure you give what you seek?

Many times we find that struggles that our ancestors have endured, more recent relatives, and ourselves are the same struggle, just different people. There is a concept called intergenerational trauma in which the trauma experienced in a family gets passed on re-experienced throughout the generations and the affects are passed down as well to those in the family.

It is never easy to take on traumas that in some cases have been normalized in our family. In some families it may be uncontrolled anger, substance use disorder, or physical, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual abuse. It is repurposed in a dysfunctional way as a rights of passage or evidence that you are “strong enough” to be in the family. It often leaves us with the impossible choice of taking care of ourselves and healing versus being “loyal” to the family and holding the secret.

Choose healing, be the trauma interrupter in your life and family. Reach out to me if you need help in doing this.

We have endured this pandemic for close to a year and if that wasn’t bad enough we also have endured civil unrest, social isolation, and expressions of fear and hate. Many tell me that they have wanted to seek therapy for a while, but never did. But isn’t it a great time to seek therapy now? I am sure there were reasons before that made you consider it and now you are sure and ready to actually do some self work. Congratulation on being honest with yourself and not letting labeling or other’s thoughts of therapy get in the way of you gaining wellness and balance in your life. Now that you acknowledge what you need, get it. Make the first contact or appointment…just do it.

With everything that is going on in the world, it’s a lot to take in and digest. I think about how it’s a time like I have never seen.  Anxiety, fear, and depression abound…many ask themselves what will I do now and what will the future hold?  Let me be the first to admonish you to take one day at a time.  All you can digest is little bites.  Focus on today, and when tomorrow comes, focus on it. Take a moment every day to laugh, love, be grateful, and cry if you need to.  Appreciate how far you came, traveled, and how much stronger and wiser you are right now. Instead of speaking fear, speak life and encouragement to yourself.  This is not the time to beat up on yourself about what you should have done, focus on what you need to do now.  Know that there are many who would pounce on you for what you should have said and done, don’t be one of those people. Today you have life, celebrate it.

I don’t know about you, but I love hard.  I have had to learn that in loving hard, I have to make sure I am first on the list.  It doesn’t work if I am not.  All the time, patience, forgiveness, and love I deserve as well.  It’s not asking for too much to get it in return, it’s asking for just enough.

Life is precious and we have to be ever aware that with one life to live comes heartache, hurt, pain, disappointment, and anger.  But life can also bring joy, peace, fun, excitement, and love.  Let love lead…love of self first and then love of others.  Have a bad day, sleep on it and wake up renewed and hopeful for a better day.  Feeling like you can’t handle it alone, then don’t and reach for help.  Don’t choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Persevere ❤️.